1 year off this Month

I am finally reaching One year off this month!

One thing I didn't like when I was in withdrawal is never finding much info out about people who has tapered off, especially when they had horrible acute withdrawal. I had to assume that they got off and went on with their lives or went back on the drug.

Tapering was tedious and it was challenging but what the so called benzo gurus out there never talk about is the after the taper healing and things.

There is an after taper symptoms and it makes sense that there is. Healing takes time. The good news that I might have had symptoms after tapering, but they were never worse than my best day while tapering. Healing seemed faster.  I was not worried about not healing or had any anxiety about it.

The challenges I have now is where do I go from here. What do I want to do? Things like that. That seems very easy compared to when I was tapering and in withdrawal.

I am so happy that I did the following during my taper.
1. Tapered very slowly. .0005mg - .001mg a day reductions.
2. Took the time during the taper to take it easy and take care of myself.
3. Didn't give into the fear and anxiety and just kept on my plan.
4. Learned what things to avoid to not interfere with my taper (OTC meds, vitamins and foods).

I only regret that I did not learn of all this years ago. I feel like I wasted a very large chunk of my life taking this drug. Not feeling real emotions and being numb to everything around me.

My life is so much better now. But there is adjustments. My likes and dislikes are different. Some things I liked when medicated I am not interested in and I am gaining interest in other things. It is really strange. Even my taste in music is different.

My relationships have changed. I have deeper relationships with deeper meaning and I feel joy with them.

My everyday does not feel like everyday to me, still a year out and I enjoy everyday and am so thankful for that day. Another day I get to live without the yoke of klonopin or withdrawal keeping me pushed down. 

I am so aware of what klonopin did to me and I am so glad that I am finally off. I am still gobsmacked at how this all happened to me and others.

My family and friends are amazed at my changes. As one said I was like a whole new person. 

But this whole thing was so traumatic to me that I still feel traumatized. And now I keep running into people who take these types of medications and I just know what is going to happen to them. I'm sad for them. I try to explain and they do not understand or think I had a rare reaction to it and they think they will be fine.

I have run into friends that are just starting to realize that things are wrong with their klonopin pill and are now facing withdrawal. It breaks my heart.

All one has to do is feel acute withdrawal for 10 minutes and they will be on the side of tapering and leaving this drug alone.

What I find important in the afterwards of tapering besides the physical symptoms, is really jumping on working on memory problems that come with this. I do this by doing simple things, reading novels, taking a class on something you want to do, nothing serious just something maybe fun. Word games and puzzles always help.

Little by little the memory gets better. I am not all the way back on this but I hope I will be one day.

Another thing is working on my immune system and digestive system.

I can't underestimate exercise. I think that exercise has helped me so much.

The physical side was long, I had the tendon pain that caused frozen shoulders and that lasted along time. I have a slight twinge in my left shoulder. And my energy is not quite at 100 percent. that is all that I feel now! How great is that!

My hair has grown in! Slowly! I have to have it trimmed every so often so that one day my hair regrowth will be even with my hair. It is still somewhat dry but not like back when I was in withdrawal. I don't have to run out and buy all these special hair products.

I realize that some people will have it easier than me and some will have it harder.  But if done carefully and safely it will be over one day and it is so worth it.

Almost Four Months off Klonopin

I am almost four months off Klonopin. Wow.

I have a new appreciation of life and every little thing in life. It took a long time and I now try to enjoy all my moments.

I am changing my life for the better. Things that used to intimidate me no longer have the affect. In fact I think that alot of my problems was Klonopin. All this time I thought it was helping, somewhat and now I think it caused a lot of problems,

Such as anxiety which kept me from life. Now I do not feel that way at all, the only explanation is that withdrawal was so bad that regular anxiety doe snot phase me or that I never had the anxiety as bad as when I was taking Klonopin. Either way I am not anxious at all and things that used to scare me don't. Funny right?

There is after effects and I can tell my health took a hit. Mainly muscles, tendons and nerves. None of the"benzo gurus" really talk about that.

The pain is better than when I was tapering and it is livable. I am slowly exercising and trying to regain what I lost and wait this pain out.

I am also waiting for the hair to restore itself. It has improved and no more fall out, it is alittle dry but it is filling in, It is thicker at the roots.

My skin is improving. Less dry and clearing up and no bags under my eyes.

Since working out and building my muscle my figure is much better.

Slowly but surely things are coming back and I am feeling so much better, I feel like I have so many more options now and enjoy everyday. My relationships are so much better and I am very grateful for those who stood by me and "waited" for me to get better. These are true family and friends and I will never forget them.

I am thinking of what I will publish as far a the journal of this taper. it is hard to read, I do rant many times and well I am thinking of what would help people out there. I don't know if it will be here or if I will host my journal. I will let everyone know here where it will be.

During my time tapering and going through withdrawal I would sometimes read someone saying if I can do it you can or something like that. And it is true, but I remember how bad I felt and wondered if I would be one ot the lucky ones to get off klonopin and I did.

So will you, it is just a matter of time, this all will work out for you as it did me with a sensible taper. It might take longer, but it will be a reality and you will be where I am now.

Remember that no matter if you feel anxiety or feel down or anything you will be off and free. Every little bit you get rid of for good is a step closer to freedom of this drug and you will have peace of mind and it will be everything you hope it will be.

I am not stronger than you or smarter than you. You will do this and it will be over and you will be free and happy to live a normal everyday life and it will feel good.

To be taken seriously

My taper failed and I was really ill. I am now researching and looking for a Doctor that will really help me. If I find this Doctor and I make it off I will post my success story.

A few things I learned the hard way:

Do not believe everything you read in forums. They are strangers and Benzo withdrawal is serious.

Watch you stats and be very careful.

I am searching for a way to taper safely. And now realize that one plan does not fit everyone, in fact I am wary of any plan that has one size fits all type of language.

One day I hope to not have dependance to this medication.

 Edit:
As of Today 11/28/2013 I have reduced my dose by 10percent. I am doing a taper called "daily tapering"Meaning I take a tiny amount of drug out everyday. I take out .001mg a day which adds up to .03mg a month.

I am keeping a personal journal about my experience and what has happened to me and will not put it up till I am safely off Klonopin. As far as I am concerned the daily tapering is the safest and best tapering plan to get off of benzos.

2/04/2015:
I am happy to report that I am free from Klonopin. It took a long time and I had to be patient. I have learned so much during this time. Here  is my post from my Lexapro Blog about it.  More posts to come.